Top Ten

So, let us assume that the disorganized Democrats will get control of the House of Representatives in November. And, let us suppose that President Donald Trump will take time off from golf and developing his friendships with dictators across the world and actually notice what happened.

Well, that is just idle speculation. He will certainly notice when his proposed federal budget isn’t passed without some major changes, and will certainly notice when the Supreme Court rules - as it certainly will - that the President can not impose a budget when Congress refuses to approve it.

So, the question becomes this -  who gets the blame?

Now, Donald Trump will tell us, for sure. But the fun of being a pundit - and the risk - is that you are supposed to predict things ahead of time, and let people know what is coming. Naturally, after decades of being in the media, I am skilled at avoiding such bold declarations. Instead, I will offer you a choice. 

So, in no particular order, here are the top ten reasons that a loss in the upcoming election will not be Donald Trump’s fault. Any reasons that do not get used for the next few weeks will be carefully put away, under seal, in the Presidential Library to be used in 2020. Or, alternately, can be used for his tweet after the polls close.

                               In No Particular Order, Here They Are

Paul Ryan - You know, where has he been all year? Since I gave him this big, beautiful tax cut victory, you haven’t heard a peep out of him. Shame.

Everybody  - You know everybody told me that we would win the election. I trusted them. They betrayed me. Everybody says they should be punished.

Lying Hillary - You know you can’t trust her. Then she goes around the country spreading lies and trying to co-opt the Me Too movement, just to take the heat off her husband, Lying Bill. Wait, we may have to appear on the same stage sometime - you know, presidents get honored all the time. Maybe we could lock him up the day before. Some of my good friends in North Korea may have some ideas about that.

Lazy Incumbents. - You know, people don’t get re-elected just because they are in office. You have to work for it. I gave them all a boost two years ago, and did they thank me - no. I gave them a tax cut, a beautiful tax cut for every voter in the country, and they didn’t even talk about it in their campaigns. I know all about that. Mike Pence told me.

The Russians - You know the Democrat people have been trying to blame Donald Trump for colluding with the Russians in Donald Trump’s historic win in the Presidential race that all the so-called experts and the lying media thought he (i, me, us...oh, never mind) would lose. Well, they colluded with the Democrats who wanted to destroy our country and rigged the election against me and the people I support. We will get revenge, bigly. I am asking Congressman Devin Nunez and his committee to investigate right away. Maybe the Attorney General was behind it.

The Attorney General - You know he had lots of chances to dig up dirt on the Democrats running for Congress. But, he  didn’t do anything. A lot of people say there were dozens of scandals he could of tracked down, from Uranium One to Pizzagate, Heck, if he couldn’t find anything himself, he could have just listened to Fox News for a few hours, maybe Sean Hannity could have set him straight. I should fire him, if only I could be sure that turtle neck Mitch McConnell could help get a new one confirmed.

Instincts - You know I have the best brain and the best instincts of anybody in Washington. But, it is not my fault that the local Republicans in all those states that lost picked a lot of losers to run for office against the traitor Democrat candidates. Now I have to figure out some way to keep them from being sworn in. And I don’t have much time.

Mike Pence - You know I picked him out of obscurity and gave him a star role at my inauguration. I even took him to a couple of parties that night, even one in my new hotel. And, how has he repaid me? Did he win even a single election for me. I asked, and all he said was “Mr. President, you are right. I love you. But I am not running for Congress in that state.” Well, how many Democrat voters did he put in jail, or draft, or do something else to them? Guess what low-energy candidate won’t be on my ballot in 2020.

Climate Change - You know the weather gets hot, then it gets cool. It happens every year. I explained that, and told people that it may be a little warmer now, but my best instincts - and I have very good instincts - tell me it will get cooler sooner or later. Now it’s a shame that so many people lost their houses here in the United States, and so many farmers lost their crops. But we can’t put those coal miners out of work like the lying democrats want to do. Hey, if we could fix everything in Puerto Rico in just a few weeks, we can certainly do just as good a job right here in America. Look, we’re making Georgia great again!

Melinia - You know I never asked her to give those interviews or wear that jacket or go to Africa and all those other places. And I never told her to talk to reporters. I thought that when we were talking about helping victims of troubled marriages and she said  “me too” she wasjust trying to win them over. I brought her parents over as immigrants - they didn’t cut the line, you know - and I gave her everything she could want. But you know she hasn’t helped, and she is getting a little old - too old for me, although she still looks pretty good to other guys - so maybe she is the one to blame for the loss. With her out of the White House, I would be the most eligible bachelor in the nation. They might even make a movie about me....I remember one about a bachelor president who had a nice young daughter.  Hmmmmm.