So, Here's My Plan

 Like a lot of other people, I’ve been looking around lately for a way to make some money.

Now, I like to think big, so of course I have been looking for a way to make a lot of money. And, I think I got it.

The plan isn’t quite perfected yet, and there may be a small legal issue or two to work out. But, I’m willing to share it with you, and any improvements you can suggest will probably be rewarded as soon as the plan goes into effect and the money starts to come in.

To give credit where it is due, President Trump came up with the original plan, but - since he hasn’t asked me for a cut - I will just invest his share in a secure place until he wants it, or until my legal obligation to return the money to him runs out.

So, what’s this great idea? Kinda like a new real estate boom. I will be selling political dirt.

The beauty part is that none of the digging will take place anywhere in the United States, where there are some laws against that sort of thing - you never know when some state or federal attorney general will try to crack down on you.

No, all the dirt will come from off-shore. From other countries. From places willing to sell dirt about political candidates to me, and I will forward it to whatever campaign needs it.

How much would Elizabeth Warren pay for some juicy bad deeds that involve a second cousin of, say, a candidate we will call J B? How much would Mayor Pete pay for the results of an investigation into Corey Booker’s efforts to sell another country - we’ll call it “C” for right now - the best real estate in Newark at a deep discount?

We will, of course, work both sides of the street. What would some lawyer, once the mayor of a large metropolitan city, pay for information about an inside deal with a not-for-profit religious foundation that was importing untaxed whiskey for a politician we will call M R?

You see the beauty of the plan? There are 195 countries in the world, according to the United Nations, and that means 194 nations that might just want a piece of our next presidential election.

(Fun Fact - the biggest country is China, with 1.43 billion people, or 18.6 percent of the world’s population. India is second with 1.36 billion. The U.S. comes in third with 329 million, or 4.3 per-cent the world’s population.)

Now we would need a sliding scale to figure out what to charge. Some nations, places like North Korea or Saudi Arabia, have shown a real gift for coming up with information that can get people who oppose them thrown in jail for life. Heck, our friends the Russians seize the property of people they consider enemies of the state, and reportedly send agents out across Europe to kill people who - that fake information shows - are deep state enemies.

For those countries, we would pay very little for information that would be fit to give to some supermarket tabloid or cable television host, and a lot more for something we could leak to the Times.

Imagine the bidding war we could have in places like the Middle East, as nations vie to sell dirt to Republicans or Democrats, or to sell to both sides, just to cover the bases no matter who wins in 2020.

Heck, at this point, MI 5 might want to cover its country’s bases as well, just in case that Brexit thing doesn’t work out as planned.

And in this world of instant comment and unflagging loyalty to political parties, we would have covered our bases too, since we would have sold information to whoever wins the next Presidential election.

As Donald Trump says, there nothing wrong with that. After all, we’re doing it in plain sight.

Well, time to try and reach a good lawyer to review the idea and deal with any problems that might come up. It will take a while to pick the right one, but I hear Washington is full of them, and a lot of them should be looking for work real soon.