A Modest Proposal

Let me step away, for a moment, and get away from the problems our national media seems to have in covering Presidents, especially the one we have now.

I want to go back and cure an injustice. In doing so, we may set a pattern that could eventually be helpful to Donald Trump, and so will win the support of all right-thinking members of Congress, of thoughtful citizens everywhere, and even of those people who still think that Hillary had the election stolen from her and is now suffering the consequences of being on the losing side.

What kind of magic cure is this? Well, you will probably see what I mean as soon as I suggest my plan.

Let’s pardon Bill.

Yes, our organized Feminists will probably object to this move, and so will Republican donors and members of Congress. But I can’t see how any Evangelicals will object to finally getting rid of the stain on the reputation of our past President. After all, they hate the sin and love the sinner. Just look at how they are more than willing to let Donald Trump recover his moral high ground and keep their support.

Mike Pence explained it well. Our current president is but an imperfect man - as are we all imperfect men and women - and is really trying hard to become better. So is everyone else, except the Russians and Chinese and North Koreans. (Historic note - that was when we didn’t like Russians or Chinese or North Koreans, before Donald Trump’s personal charm won them all over and made them our best of friends.)

So, what is a stained dress and a sullied reputation against the great good that Bill Clinton did as president. He kept us from adopting a national health insurance program by turning the job of creating the program to someone so mired in details and detached from the common folk that it never got off the ground. I forget who that was, but I remember that it didn’t work out too well.

And the idea that a President’s reputation can be stained by some kind of sex scandal, any sex scandal, is something that I am sure our current president wants to forget. Pardon him, and dump his innocent locker room actions to the dustbin of history.

So, we should pardon Bill. And, who else?

Well, the list is long and goes way, way back. We could start with Thomas Jefferson, and Ulysses S. Grant. All those people who drank from the Teapot Dome. And certainly all those fine Southern gentlemen whose statues were so rudely removed from those very public Southern squares.

Then there is Ronald Reagan for the Iran-Contra deal. Now it was never proved just how much he knew about the deal, but the plan was supposed to free seven Americans held hostage in Lebanon by Hezbollah by letting Israel secretly ship some weapons it had gotten from the United States to Iran, and in turn we would quietly replace those weapons with better ones. Everybody wins. Except for the part where some of the money to pay for the weapons ended up going to anti-Sandinista terrorists to use against the government of Nicaragua. So, top of the line anti-aircraft missiles went to Iran, money went to terrorists in South America, and our hostages were freed.

It’s all kind of complicated. To figure it out, you might ask the military officer in charge of the whole thing, Lt. Col. Oliver North, who was on the National Security Council at the time.

 But let’s not get too distracted. We have to finish the Presidential Pardon Plan (we can call it PPP if you like) by getting to the  one really hard pardon that really must be given to heal our great nation. The one that will stop dividing us all.

Donald Trump has to pardon Hillary.

We all know how much our President hates witch hunts, and years of investigation into the supposed wrongdoings of Hillary Clinton have just gone on too long. I am sure that he would say it’s time to stop. Certainly, Mike Pence could explain that. He does it so well.

Now - and I know this will be hard for some Constitution-loving Republicans to hear - there are even some people who want to punish Hillary Clinton even before she has a trial. It may be hard to believe, but they actually chant “lock her up” at political rallies in some places we need not name. If you don’t believe me, just Google it. I did just that the other day and got 158 million hits.

Think of all the problems these pardons could solve. All the anger that will evaporate when these old and new issues are resolved. All those pieces of paper Donald Trump could sign and wave in the air. All the commentators saying it was historic, and that nothing like it was ever done before.

And there might even be two or three extra pardons left for him - or someone else - to use just in case. That could give a new job to someone without much to do now except praise our President, and we could even use the same PPP name - Pardon Providing Pence.