A funny thing happened to me a few days ago. Maybe it happened to you, too.
I forgot what I was outraged about.
Oh, the rage was there. And the target was there. But, what - precisely - I was mad about kind of vanished, leaving me with this big, red, angry feeling and no place in particular to put it.
Now, we liberals can always blame Trump, his willful ignorance and his penchant for picking on anyone who is weak or powerless and making them even weaker and less able to protect themselves.
Conservatives, on the other hand, cast their outrage - which may be just as fierce - on the Deep State or the Lying Media or, when there is no one and nothing else left, to attack Hillary once again.
So, where does that leave us? (And don’t tell me things would be a lot better if just one party controlled all the levers of federal government. That’s supposed to be what we have now)
It leaves me with the opportunity to offer some tips to politicians and reporters. They can look at what is going on in government today and weigh just what is taking place in Congress. They just might work as well - or better - for plain old people, the ones we look to for incredible wisdom at the polls every other year or so.
Here goes.
1 - Don’t tell jokes, at least don’t try to ad lib something funny. Oh, you can tell the one about the Rabbi, the Priest and the Minister walking into a bar by mistake and...well I’m sure you’ve heard it before. No, I mean don’t tell jokes about Abraham Lincoln molesting a Supreme Court Judge, or try to make light of things like attempted rape. It really, really doesn’t work.
1 (a) - A corollary. Don’t pretend that something you said was “only a joke,” instead of an uncontrollable outburst of bigotry or stupidity. Almost everyone can see through it.
1 (b) - A second corollary. If you have anything to do with the general public, don’t tell jokes at the expense of the people who work for you. Unless, of course, those people are equally free to make jokes about you in front of your face. Otherwise, leave humor to the professionals. Except, maybe, for Rosanne Barr, who shouldn’t be telling political jokes under any circumstances.
2 - Don’t worry about your base. You know, your core supporters. They will never leave you. You can see it now with the Republicans for Trump, but it was kind of obvious with a lot of Democrats not too long ago. Anything you do is all right with them, and you will probably never lose their support.
(Extra points for readers who can tell the difference between a Trump supporter who sees nothing wrong with his behavior and a Bill Clinton supporter who saw nothing wrong with his behavior)
3 - Try to reach out and listen to people who disagree with you. The odds are they won’t be able to explain why they disagree, but you might find someone who knows what they are talking about and who just might make you change your mind.
4 - Learn the difference between winning and losing. You can tell who won a football game by looking at the score, but you could lose the whole season if your quarterback and your best receiver are lost for the season pushing for that final three points. It was a lesson first recorded by Pyrrhus of Epirus, a Greek general who defeated the Romans in 279 B.C., and is being re-learned by Republicans who are currently burning down the government in Washington to get their way.
5 - Stay within your budget. Any budget. Just stick with it for a couple of years.
6 - There is life after government. Someday, all that is will have passed. It sounds almost biblical, but we have things called terms in office. Eventually, people will decide not to run again, will not be able to run again, or will lose an election. Then they will discover something that seems to have eluded them while in office. It is called consequences.
6 (a) - For the Christian fundamentalists who have been supporting Donald Trump so loudly, just think of the story of Daniel. You know, the part about King Belthazar’s feast, the big feast for thousands of his lords. The feast where he commanded the vessels from the original Temple in Jerusalem be brought in so they could drink from them.
Remember the story? A hand appeared on the wall and wrote in a finger of fire. That could be the upcoming election. No one could read the message - MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN. But Daniel could. God has numbered the days of your kingdom and brought it to an end...you have been weighed and found wanting.”
Nothing like a biblical phrase to give them comfort. Or, you could just say I was only joking.
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